First Post-Surgery Post
Hello family and friends…I am slipping in online for the first time (not sure if everyone realizes that my email and Facebook accounts have been handed over to OUR team, who are supporting me and my family along this journey)….
First off–my deepest gratitude: I am beyond amazed at the prayer circles near and far!!! Thousands of people praying, creating intention, and sending support–it is my work right now to learn to receive all of this! After 25 years of service to the possibilities of community and relationship building with OUR and so many other organizations…I have held strong to ‘the needs of the common good’ and rejected ‘personal gain’. This is a different kettle of fish for me–I am not necessarily experiencing ‘personal gain’ and yet the financial support with treatment and having someone else take project work from my plate, and the related costs, is something which does happen for me personally! I think of it as the cycle of sustainability these days…not necessarily like calculating net gain/net loss in energy auditing…but trying to bring my energy output back to somewhere close to ‘net 0’ or balance point for some time to heal. It is good learning for me…tricky to navigate the slopes and edges between self and other, selfishness and self-fullnes, faith and delusion, possibility and limitation (OK–maybe redirection!), spirit and ‘on the ground-ness’. I spend most of my time dreaming as a means of moving through the dark shadowy places on this journey.
With that I must say that the Cancer diagnosis I received in January has progressed through many stages, doctors, treatments, and now surgery. Again, I am so grateful (sometimes overwhelmed) and continue to walk a journey with no handrails. During the surgery the work was to remove the growth masses that are present and to biopsy or look as far into my other organs and pelvic lymph nodes as possible. The major tumours where cancer was first diagnosed…seem to have been highly impacted over the last months of treatment. I asked the Cancer Clinic surgeons what they thought this was because of. Was it the treatments, was it the diet change, was it prayers…they simply smile and say that no one ever really knows these things! I now await word on my biopsy and will be moving forward with thermography tests for all my lymph system and more into top half of my ‘sweet and standing in’ physical body!!Coming home has been a crashing experience! Not sure if I was having a very large reaction to my new pain meds but it sent me spiraling into pathways with the highest pain, nausea/dizziness, no food/sleep…and challenge for my family to watch and support. Shamanic in form for sure–it seems that the last six months have just shifted into a new place. One day in January I walked into my GP/Doctors office and was told my MRI showed I have cancer. I have chosen to not regard that as the whole story for me. I refute nothing for the main forms of medical care that support me so well…and I believe that there is much more to our human minds and heart than the medical model can offer. I am grateful to be carved along this journey…my value of something so much more than the mere challenges of our/OUR day, my belief in something so much greater than my own self/fear, and now even more my desire to live to serve a common good and deep in the bones connection with the cycle of the earth. I am rocked by how ‘out of culture’ I am in having slid myself into an attachment to things/politics/human drama–and thinking that life is so limited in some ways.
Yep–I am in a pretty far reaching introspection. Thanks for bearing with my musings. I hope it offers some furthering for your own path and our/OUR collective paths. I am aware that my journey has caused fear and even great upset for some family and friends. I chose to not talk too much about the initial diagnosis because I do not wish for folks to give more focus/fear to something which carries such stigma. I have witnessed/walked with others who have had critical illness diagnosis’ and have had their lives spiral downwards in fear and unhappiness as the context around them supported fear and unhappiness. Perhaps there is enough of this in our world already–I wish to choose my own meanings that differ from that…and I intend to choose going forward in life with the highest intention to change myself all the more.In a few days as I hear back from the major biopsy–we will see if all cell growth is gone from the in uterine masses which were first diagnosed–and are now seemingly ‘necrotized’ (cell structure has died off!). From there I will begin doing the thermography testing on top half of my body and following through for other areas.
If you are interested in a free thermography workshop…I will have the clinic come to The Healing Sanctuary and offer my testing as an open dialogue for all folks, especially women who question having mammograms!, who wish to find other opportunities (less invasively) and alternatives to conventional xray etc. Let me know if you are interested as I will do it in a couple of weeks here and try and fit as many peoples schedule as possible.
I sign off from this post saying that I love life!!!! It is sunny–my children are beautiful–the land is alive with promise of new life everywhere I look–and I am soooooo grateful that each of you have touched my life in such an incredible way. Your support, inspiration, creating of possibilities, and love has touched me profoundly in the last 6 months…
There are many, many personal thank you’s to put out into the wider community. I will do that in a next post…for now please know that family has slept little while keeping focused attention, prayers have been circled up everywhere, family/friends have moved into a hotel during my hospital time to really ‘hold’ Freya and Trent, more family/friends circled Trent in the hospital to support him and bring beauty to the path forward, food was brought daily…music/bodywork/
For now–my love to you all…